Bugs B All Up In My Place WTF!
So for the last couple of weeks, I have been wresting with these unwelcome guests. I have no idea why the hell they are so interested in my apartment, but I have been having a full out invasion by pill bugs, millipedes, and wolf spiders. Maybe it has something to do with it being so much cooler, temperature wise but Kewl nonetheless, in my apartment than the 100 some degrees outside.
My first thought was, like everyone else in the world had recommend, is laying down insecticide like Ortho Home Defense. Welp, 2 different kinds I tried, and yes I did my research and got the best ones, this still didn’t work. My napalm of destruction only served to kill them immediately after entering my apartment. So now the front door area looks like the landing of Normandy on D-day! As an aside, I actually do recommend “Ortho Home Defense”, cause it does kill insects fast and lasts 12 months.
Well it only took 6 attempts by maintenance to fix this door right. I have had other issues with it, like every time it rains hard, water runs under the door into the apartment. Their last attempt was the last straw, they put some self adhesive 1 foot strip of weather stripping on the upper right of the door which was not going to do SHIT.
I was finally fed up and took these pictures and made sure I was there when maintenance came. I was sure they didn’t realize the urgency and utter frustration I was having with this situation cause they never saw the affects. It was likely due to the fact that I am a neat freak and would vacuum every hour or every time I came downstairs to find this mess. BTW I love you Dyson! So this time, I waited 4 hours all the while my nerves all a tingle driving me nuts having to hold back my temptation to clean.
When they came they were shocked and felt really stupid. They replaced the bottom door skirt, FINALLY! But this was STILL not enough to keep them out. At my wits end, I said screw it, I am getting a storm door. A grand total of 315 bucks. I know, I know, WTF am I doing buying a storm door for an apartment. Welp other than this inconvenience and annoyance, I freaking love this apartment so much.
New door in place, they STOPPED WOOHOO!!!! Okay so I lied a little, as at least only 1 or two make it in when I open the door if not careful. It has frustrated the bugs enough that now they are finding someone else to bother, an easier target than me. My suspicion is that its the neighbor and their 20 cats, leaving food all over the place attracting these insects.
This leads me to my fantastical stories of war. Along with these insects, I have been battling Wolf Spiders!
(photo from Wikipedia: GFDL)
The above is a picture of what one looks like if you have never had the fortune of meeting one.
My first run in was walking on the sidewalk to my apartment, a big freaking wolf spider was chilling in plain view. My first instinct was to step on her. Well that was a stupid idea, cause little did I know these things carry an egg sac on their back. So as soon as I did, thousands and thousands of little baby spiders came running out. So many in fact it looked like tiny hair follicles flowing in the wind! Doing my dance of holy mother, my best impersonation of the Lord of the Dance stomp, and freaking the hell out I managed to escape as they tried to crawl up my legs.
This is me stomping my heart out and screaming:
The next night, I am watching TV upstairs and see this hary thing run across the carpet the size of my hand. HOLY SHIT I thought as lukily my feet were up on the couch. I better get this thing before it kills me in the night! I jump up and step on her, and I kid you not she pushed back! I put all my weight into it and she let out this weird scream! Never been so freaked out in my life!
A few nights later, I find myself getting to bed really late like 3 AM, yeah cause I am an idiot, but anyway, so right before plopping onto the bed, I brush my teeth. All of a sudden this big mother f’ing wolf spider runs over my foot and up the sink to the mirror. I see her sitting there face to freaking face with this expression:
(photo from Wikipedia Commons)
Hello John SUP! Yeah I am a Wolf Spider, I am here to kill you!
ZOMFG! I panic for an instant, but by now, I am a freaking expert at killing these f’ckers. I am like the crocodile hunter of spiders. So I pull out a clothes hanger from behind me and twack it to the floor! This only stuns it, and for you to realize how big this mother was, it was enough to have a solid THUD as it hit the floor. She is dazed and a few baby spiders fall off her back. OH NOOOooo! I thought, its another one of those with babies!
Having remembered being malled by the last spider family mob a couple days ago, I had a moment of inspiration. THE DUST-BUSTER! I pull it out and suck up the straggling babies, and work my way to the mom. It sucks her up, I breath a sigh of relief. Oh but this isn’t the end, the dust-buster is not enough for this spider. She pulls herself out of the intake, dust-buster still on mind you, which had sucked her up!!
AAARRGGHH HOLY CRAP!!
The suction, is not enough for this fighter, she slowly pulls herself out. Now mind you this isn’t some wimpy regular dust-buster, this thing is an 18 volt cordless mini hand held shop vac that I have picked up bolts with.
She is almost out of the intake and fighting furiously against the suction. I look around furious like WTF am I going to do, its going to rip my face off! My next inspiration comes to me, the TOILET! YES! So I take the end of the dust buster over the toilet, and shut it off. She falls out and into the water where I proceed to flush 10 times ensuring no force in hell will let this lady out again.
Freaked out, sweating, and sore from yelling, I collect my thoughts. All the while scratching furiously on myself because every tingle sensation I felt on my body, I was afraid, might be a baby spider out for revenge. It took another couple of hours to calm down from this battle and manage to get to sleep. Sleep, that is, with my fingers in my ears.
Why you might ask? Well I am not afraid of these big spiders now, but its the babies that freak me the hell out. They are an unstoppable force of pure numbers. I blame this realized fear ever since when my cousin was little and a cockroach went into his ear while he was sleeping. I have been utterlly freaked out by that event. They had to take him to the hospital because the couldn’t get it out of his ear. The doctors had to extract it out with forceps. All the while, making sounds in his head. The poor guy, it really messed him up. So this is why that night I sleep with my fingers in my ears. Damn you SPIDERS! Damn you to HELL!
Posted in All, Bad Luck, Memories, WTF | 1 Comment »
