Alright, half the people who read this blog already know the story. I guess its time to let the other half know what is up.

So I went to H.E.B, and for those who don’t know what that is, its about the only grocery chain around here. I’m used to 10 or so different chains attacking each other, Food Lion, Ukrops, Harris Teeter, etc etc. But no here in Texas, there is H.E.B, Walmart, and the gas station. Thats about it.

Let me start by saying I HATE grocery shopping. No really, I HATE it. No matter how much I plan or how I map out the store or make a list, it is a 2 or more hour ordeal. Usually ends out being at, or ending at the hottest damn time of the day. I could discuss all day how much I hate grocery shopping and wrestling with 80 year old women who use this as their only time outdoors so figure on spending all day; people using both sides of the aisles so you cant get by; screaming kids wanting candy and throwing up …. Like I said, I could take all day.

So on this particular day, I see the finish line. I am now at one of the only 2 open lanes of 45 closed checkout lanes. So really at this point all I am thinking of is how I am going to cram 2 months of food into my tiny car. I shop this way to avoid having to go more than 6 times a year.

People think this is a socialize kinda time, really I just want to get the hell outta there. So I put up with the small talk and have two guys talking to me for at least 30 minutes in this particular checkout line. I am pretty oblivious to the conversation trying to be pleasant and not offending.

Maybe I did a little too good a job being social. Maybe it was what I was dressed in, I dunno. What ever it was, I will never know. At some point in the conversation, they ask me if I have seen the movie 300.

I tell them naw I havent seen it, which was the truth as it was just out in the theaters. Then my mind and ears heard what was going on when one of them goes:

Would you uh, like to see it with me?

Its kinda hard to put enflection in print. At this point I realized these guys were trying to pick me up for a date. It wasn’t just a friendly hey lets go out and see a movie. It was more like, let me buy you flowers sexy thing, I brought oils.

Okay so my mind races for a response, and the first thing that comes out of my mouth is

WHY!

This must of have stunned both of them cause it was pretty obvious uh WHY but they did me one better and said:

Cause ya know, uh, we like movies about gladiators … wink

So the first thing that comes into my mind is this movie clip from Airplane:

Joey you ever seen a grown man naked? Joey you ever hang around a gymnasium. Joey you like movies about gladiators?

My mind is a blur, somehow I got out of it. I swore I would not see that movie. I made the mistake of telling someone at work the above story. Next thing you know, everyone at work is asking if I want to go see the movie in that EW GROSS sexy way.

Well so I find this one day a gift from Elaine. She is the one giving me the hardest time about it but its cool. I’ll get her back at some point. Sneaky Elaine puts the above movie on my desk and note and everyone laughing. HA-HA guys, alright ya made your point. I think you guys are just jealous you didn’t get hit up at the H.E.B.