Okay went to eat at Golden Wok, one of my favorite restaurants. At the end of the meal of course they give you the fortune cookie. Well I get the following fortune:

Your problem just got bigger. Think, what have you done

What kinda crazy ass f’in fortune is that? Thats some really screwed up shit to tell someone who was in an accident the day before and already obsessive compulsive on other stuff going down. So I flagged the waitress down and told her “I am not happy with this fortune cookie please give me another one”. She laughs, and I give her this serious look like no you don’t get it, I want another fortune, get me another one. So she comes back laughing and says here’s two more hope they are better.

Gingerly I open the next one, and Arthur is sitting across from me laughing his ass off cause I am like this better be a good one. Open it up and I get the following:

You think too much. Today means action. Carry out your plan.

DAMIT THE HELL! Yeah Mr Fortune Cookie Writer you make me think too much, you just gave me two shitty fortunes in a row WUT THE HELL. So Arthur is nice enough, he gives me the third one and says okay dude this is destiny you need to make this a good one.

Hoping upon hope I don’t get another bad one, I open this one, open my eyes and get:

You should pay for this dinner. Be generous.

Now if that aint some shit. Well its better than the two before, I guess I am stuck. Ironically I did actually pay for the dinner, but lets not give credit to the cookie mkay. Now I know you wouldn’t believe me unless you saw the pictures of the cookies, well here you go:

Now aint that some crap or what? If I find that fortune cookie writer I am going to give him a swift punch to the face. Thanks for sketching me out Mr Fortune Cookie Man you ruined a nice meal.

So I was rear ended today. Stopped at the light, three cars back and some guy hit me from behind. I saw it coming, had time to think “shit this is going to suck”. He was moving perdy fast when he hit me, at least 30. Hurt like a bitch but from these pictures you prally think I am a wimp. Honestly I think the emergency kit in the truck kept it from crumpling in the back. I love how the guy who hit me told me there wasn’t even a scratch and we should just go. Here are a few photos for your pleasure:

Yeah like I said it doesn’t look like much. Well now the trunk wont close, it doesn’t line up. I had it towed to the body shop cause the lid wouldn’t close and want someone to check nothing else would fall off when driving it. Good thing I did have it towed. When I got to the body shop, car wouldn’t start so it looks like there is a short in the back somewhere too. Once we got it jumped to set into the back lot of the body shop, the computer is now reading all kinds of errors. Looks like my DSC (traction control) is reading an error saying its off line and the computer is reading a slip in the transfer case which it considers “slippery roads”. So that means the transfer case is prally screwed up too now. So I will say that Farmers was pretty cool about helping me, although Enterprise Rent A Car really let me down. They were supposed to call me when I got to the body shop. Welp they didn’t so I called them and the lady was like “OOpps we are closed sorry!”. So I asked the lady if that meant I had to walk home. She said “Sorry about that sir!”. Oh well, good thing Arthur kept me company through the whole thing, waiting the 2 hours for the tow truck, following me there, and then having to take me home. Thank goodness, I almost had to ask la raza and los lobos for a ride home.

I had this car transported from Virginia on truck back, it arrived in perfect pristine condition. Well so I guess I got my battle scars now living in San Antonio and I now fit in with every other car out here with a broken back bumper. So this is the second time I have been rear ended (last time only broke the rear light globe when it was parked), its been hailed on, a thousand scratch and dents on the sides from people hitting it with their doors, a serious water leak into the car through the firewall, and 3rd time I have had to tow this car. Okay Texas, I get it, you hate my car!!

I remember having seen these a few years ago, but I came across this one again and I forgot just how freaking funny this particular episode was. These spoofs on the old PSA’s that the GI Joe would do at the end bring such fond memories. When I saw this it was at least 30 minutes of me laughing to myself. Again another example of my sick and twisted humor.

Heres to you Mr Trash man. Your political views did not go unheard from me … I noticed your political viewpoints thanks to your eloquent art. It is examples like this that show that we still live in a free country:

I noticed your snide scratch of the “ONE” on that spray paint. Oh I get it Mr Trash Man, he isn’t even a ONE - TERM president to you eh. You have a way with words my friend. Heres to you Mr Trashman!

I really dont get why people dont think this is funny. Most people tell me its stupid, but common this is prally the best spoof on the real video “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake. At any rate, I am a now a big fan of The Gray Kid. Enjoy “Paxilback”: